03 June 2015


The weather has been dirt and I'm having A WEEK. I sat down yesterday afternoon with the intention of writing a couple hundred beautiful words about these beautiful strawberries and those beautiful, locally sourced pea vines and hey, here's how to make a two-second dressing (that, too, is pretty beautiful, BTW), but I couldn't quite bring myself to play along. AM I ALONE HERE, OR IS ANYBODY ELSE REALLY FEELING THE EFFECTS OF THAT FULL MOON IN SAGITTARIUS? (no, but like really. Not to bust all New-Age-Stepmom on ya, but this link came across my FB feed and I basically had to stop myself from screaming at its wild + horrible accuracy).

I wish I could say that I took a few moments to examine the privilege inherent in being a cranky-little-brat – about having to write about food that I was able to afford, to caption images that I took with a nice camera, and all while lounging in my air-conditioned apartment – and that I immediately snapped out of it. I usually pride myself on my firm grasp of perspective; I am not a wallower. When I complain I at least attempt to do it in conjunction with the acknowledgment that my life is good and that I should really shut the fuck up. But I couldn't do it yesterday, or at least I couldn't do it enough to convincingly type-yammer about mustard.

And so this is not about pea vines, nor is it about strawberries. It is about me telling you that my life is awesome but that sometimes I take it for granted. That I hid in the bathroom of my glass-walled studio and ugly-cried on Monday because I am a real person and I feel upset and helpless sometimes. That I'm making five year plans for the first time in my career and it's like I'm standing on a weird and ever-moving seesaw of uncertainty vs. excitement, and that it's making me feel like I'm taking crazy pills. It's also about my feeling a little more empowered, ever since I moved A Creative DC to its own site – one that doesn't have my face front and center – to let this be a place where Mercury can be in retrograde and where I can talk it out and fill you in and maybe it'll help both of us. Because sometimes bringing up shit like this is maybe as important as knowing how to advocate for yourself and how to alert the media, and it's definitely more important than knowing how to make a salad.

And since I've surely worn out my welcome on this one, I'll wrap this up with two links: the first is to non-profit DC Greens, because my need to keep perspective is imploring me to tell you that as I'm bitching about not being able to pull it together enough to write about this fucking strawberry salad situation, there are people living within ten miles of me whose life expectancy is an estimated fifteen years less than mine because they don't have access to fresh produce and food education. The second is to a pretty epic, multi-media interview at Complex with FKA twigs, because frankly I'd like to lighten the mood, and the artwork + navigation in this just slays. XO.


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Blogger James! said...

Hey! I totally feel you on this post. Sometimes, it's time to make a podcast, and I just feel like, UGH, why have I chosen this huge, effort-filled hobby??

But you're doing a great job and we're all just figuring things out. I envy how you live your life so much. Five year plans and pictures of strawberries and this huge beast of Creative DC. It's no wonder that you had to take a beat to expunge some feelings (both on here and on Monday)!

It's only going to make you stronger that you're able to have the feelings, talk about them, figure them out a little, and come back swinging.

4:25 PM  
Blogger TaNeesha Johnson said...

Thank you for sharing honest words!

5:09 PM  
Blogger Shoko said...

This is a lovely post. Thank you for being so open. (And no, you're not alone!)

2:50 AM  

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